How can a partner support a breastfeeding mother when they are really not doing the heavy lifting? I remember looking at my husband and being thankful for all he was trying to do around the house. Even though I would never admit it back then, it was great to have him around when I mainly just needed to sit on the couch.
Somehow mothers tend to think that they have to do it all. We end up stretching ourselves way too thin and end up burned out way too often. What are some things that mothers can hand off to their partner to do while they are trying to breastfeed full time? What is the partners role during this time? So this one is for the partners out there…
Be of Service
Moms can only do so much not being able to move around while the baby is breastfeeding. Looking around the house and seeing how you can be of service would be very useful. Some things to observe is:
• tidying up
• help with food
• changing baby
Maybe it is easier to just ask for a list of things to-do before the baby comes so that way there is a list to reference back to. Even small things are a big help. Bringing a healthy snack around when the mother is breastfeeding, for example, would give the mom a healthy snack to refuel. Offering to help rock the baby while she takes a shower, or just as plain as offering to help change the babies diaper could do wonders.
How do you feel about being of service during this time? Does it come easy to you or are you forcing yourself to be helpful? Is it coming from a place of understanding and love?
Be on the lookout
Sometimes postpartum you might have friends or family members that just cannot wait to see the baby. While it is very generous they offered to help, it might not be what your family actually wants. It might be harder for the mother to say “no” to people, so the partner will have to be a sort of guard dog to keep the uninvited visitors at bay.
People offering unsolicited advice is also something to be on the lookout for. I am not sure why strangers on the street feel like they can offer parenting/breastfeeding/postpartum advice to someone whom they do not know… but it happens (speaking from experience here) more often than not. The partners role is to kindly move the topic to another subject before the mother starts second guessing herself about her natural motherly instinct.
Can you be sensitive towards your own families needs? Do you see the mothers emotional shift if someone offended her? Can you control your own reaction to unwanted visitors?
Be in charge
If you have other kids already, this is the perfect time to take them out to the park or an outing once a day. This would give the mother a break from the other children and time to have some quiet. You can also take charge of:
• keeping the routine going similar as much as you can
• not planning any major life changes (like moving) around time of birth
• bonding time with baby for you
Of course, communication is great around this with the mother because you do not want to come across as a crazy partner trying to control everything, but those are some reasonable things you can take charge of to take some stress away.
Do you communicate openly about routines? How do you feel about bonding time with your baby? Are you in stress mode?
Breastfeeding mothers go through a lot of emotional rollercoasters sometimes, this can add to the stress of trying to adjust to life with a new baby. Understanding that this is just part of the process will help you ride that roller coaster together.
Much love
Krystina RN, BSN, CBE
Coach Mentor Trainer
