Yep it’s that time.
The time when kids have school work to do and then…they don’t want to do it!
And with school comes that dreaded time for school work to be done or for homework to be done. On top of all that, school this year might look really different! You might have tried the bribes and threats and rewards but your child is still having meltdowns when it is time to do their school work. Use these tips to end your school work battles once and for all!
Although we are a homeschooling family and I personally do not know how to deal with homework resistance I do know about school work resistance and deadlines for our charter school which we have to submit assignments to throughout the year. The battle, from what I hear, tends to look the same.
The language arts is due tomorrow.
My child had 4 days to work on it.
They have done nothing.
I start getting worried and panicky. With all the other housework and work to do in general, I might be thinking that there is no way for us to get it done on time unless we work on it all night! And if its not turned in, there are all these other worries that might come racing through my mind like: what if they never learn responsibility, what if they will never like school, what if I am a bad teacher, what if he get’s pushed back a year?
There seems to be no amount of sticker charts or taking away video games that could make any difference.
What now?
Thought Work
Next time you find yourself spiraling down the road of a school work battle, take a minute to become aware of what you are thinking and feeling. What is the main emotion that is driving you when you are dealing with school struggles? Is it frustration or overwhelm? How does their school performance effect you? What do you make it mean about you if they do not complete their school work? If your child decides to never do their school work, are you making that out to mean that you are failing as a mother?
Do not judge yourself and how you are thinking about it, but instead be aware of your thoughts and really start to questions if some of those thoughts are serving you. Be kinds regardless of what comes up. It is really good information to have about yourself and what emotion you are mainly operating from when dealing with school work.
Ask yourself how you do want to show up as a mother in this particular situation and what you need to be thinking in order to show up that way. Some thoughts to try on are:
“My child is getting the experience they need”
“This is really not a big deal”
“His choices do not reflect my worth as a mother”
Dig for the Why
When you are operating out of a place of curiosity instead of overwhelm and frustration, you can start digging for the “why” behind why your child does not like doing the school work. Rather than making assumptions, get curious and ask questions. Focus on understanding which things are challenging that make school work challenging. There are things like fine motor skills or how they process information, even their learning styles can all impact their resistance to school work.
Brainstorm
Continue to talk to your child about the way that they learn and their unique needs. There may never be a magical solution to them being joyful to do their school work but there may be some ideas that they might have in order for school work to not be such a dreaded experience for everyone. Discuss different ways that they can complete their school work. Maybe there is a different location they want to sit at, maybe there is a different pen that they want to use. Make a plan and re-visit the plan periodically to see if there are tweaks that can be made in order for them to complete their assignments.
Time of Day
Become aware of when your child has the most amount of energy and zoom in on that time as a potential time to do homework. Some children do better with school work in the mornings while others do better in the afternoons. If your child is physically going to school and doing homework after school, they might want to decompress right after school. Other children want to finish school work right after school in order to have more time to play. That really looks different for each child.
Since my children are homeschooled, we do the majority of our work in the mornings but one of my sons has way more focus at 7 am right when he wakes up. Our math work was done at that time while the others ate breakfast, but that changed as the year progressed.
Look out for your own kids cues and see if you can become aware at what times they have the most energy and when they are more inclined to do school work.
Know your own role
It is very tempting to step into some short term parenting goals and rescue your child from having to struggle to do their work. It is totally normal to want to help them, especially when we see them failing. But this may in fact keep them from learning the long term lessons you might want them to learn.
Each child will need different levels of support, so experiment what your child might need without being overbearing or listen without trying to fix anything. If you have tried a few solutions and brainstormed ways to help your child, you can get additional help from an outside source such as completing a learning assessment or educational assessment.
School work can have a long history of assumptions and strongly held beliefs. Like everything in parenting, I do not think that there is a one-size-fits solution or approach when it comes to school work. But if school work is a constant chore at your house, it is definitely time to step back an evaluate the situation.
I know that some teachers are willing to work together with families to create a learning plan if your child goes to school. If your child is homeschooled there are a ton of support online for homeschooling moms to get the support they need or outsource a topic they might not feel confident to teach. I have also seen some children have resistance to learning because they had specific issues like vision problems. Once those problems were resolved the school work issues seemed to subside.
The starting point of any school work issues is to get rid of the thoughts that have you thinking things like your child is “lazy” or “doesn’t care” or “wants to fail” and start coming from a place of genuine curiosity as a parent.
If you find ourself snapping at your kiddos and not being the mom you want to be, consider my FREE video mini training, where I teach you the top ways to be a calm and happy mom without changing your circumstances.
What’s next? Watch the top 5 homeschooling tips for this season over on the Youtube channel to have you thriving in your school journey.
