There are always seasons to bring all of us into thinking about what we are grateful for. Most of the time when the holiday seasons comes, a lot of focus in the world is on consuming. This might leave parents overwhelmed and not satisfied, focusing too much on things and not feeling like it is enough.
There is definitely another way.
Mom meltdowns and going into debt are optional. I definitely remember my kids getting all the things (and plus more) then turning around and saying “what else is there for me?”
How can my kids be so ungrateful? They didn’t even say thank you!
I felt so under appreciated and resentful. But I did not know what I know now, which is, I created all of those feeling myself with my thoughts.
Here is the thing. Most of the time, kids do not even know what it means to take something for granted. We have to teach them, a lot of the time. It is not even about teaching them to act grateful, by saying the right words, we have to create experiences where they would know what its like to feel grateful.
Our thoughts create our feelings, which turn into our actions.
When we train our kids to say “thank you” just like forcing them to apologize, it is not coming from a genuine feeling of gratitude. It is coming from a place of feeling obligated to say something. If we are looking to teaching our kids how to really be grateful, we need to have conversations with them about their thoughts and feelings.
Our brain always looks for things that are not working. So taking that into consideration, we as humans tend to not be grateful naturally. Adding a world of instant gratification, now we see how kids need a little more support in this area.
We can train our kids to act grateful, but what we are really going for is for them to feel it, so their expression of it is authentic. Rather than telling kids to be thankful, or trying to cover up negative emotions with gratitude so we don’t experience pain, create opportunities for them to be grateful. We can say things like:
“Wow you are so lucky to have so many friends”
“You are so lucky to have this many toys”
“What if we give some toys to the kids that do not have them?”
“How do you think the people would feel if you spend time with them and read them a story”
“How would they feel if they got to play with a cool toy like yours?”
“How do you think it would feel when you helped that person?”
When someone does something kind for you, make sure to talk about it with your kids. If you child does something nice to a sibling, make sure to notice it and express your appreciation.
Here are some questions to get you talking about at the dinner table or any time you have a spare moment:
“What are you grateful for today?”
“What is the best part of this house we are in?”
“What do you appreciate about your body?”
“What are the qualities you appreciate about your brother?”
“What gift did you get that you liked? Why did you receive it? Do you think they had to give it to you? How did you feel about the gift?”
“How can you show someone that you appreciate them?”
Encourage your kids to express their appreciation for others in thank you cards or face to face interactions. Always make it a point for them to notice how gratitude feels when they are doing something kind for others or are on the receiving end of it.
There is a lot of research out there that focused on how gratitude changes people on a cellular level. The more thankful you are the happier you will be. What you focus on grows. The more you pay attention to what you are grateful for, the more you will attract into your life things to be grateful for.
What’s next? Watch the Youtube video on different scenarios you can set up that are perfect for talking about being grateful with your kids.
