When we wake up in the morning usually we do not think about how to ruin our kids. Instead we think about how we want to do the best for our kids and give them all the tools they need to be successful. There are a lot of parenting “experts” out there nowadays, all claiming to have the “right” answers to your children’s behaviors. This can cause a lot more confusion than clarity in regards to parenting. So who should we listen to?
What if the answer is simpler than you think? A loving environment.
A while ago I had to deal with the usual parenting conundrums like siblings fighting, not listening and not cleaning after themselves. It was a struggle all day to just try to keep my cool and not say anything while I was angry. Towards the end of the day my oldest refused to get dressed for bedtime. This type of situation plays out a lot in our house but this time something shifted in me. A memory came to me of a day when everything went according to plan. I thought about how we react so differently to people when we are in a better mood.
Do you have those days? When you are in a happy mood and your child’s behavior does not seem to bother you?
Coming from a place of calm makes all the difference in the world when dealing with parenting struggles. When asking your children for help from a loving heart their reaction tends to be different as well. They will still protest as usual but when you are in a lighter mood you handle their responses differently without taking things personal.
Did you ever notice that in your relationship?
Compared with a bad mood, when you are a clicking time bomb waiting to blow up, everything your child does will look like a personal attack. But the real tricky part about this is that our moods shift moment to moment.
Throughout the day you will experience many moods. How you feel in the moment is how you will end up dealing with your child. Having on “grumpy goggles,” as my kids like to refer to bad moods, will make you react negatively to everything around you. In contrast, “happy goggles” will bring wisdom in the moment of how to handle a situation.
Think of a time when your instincts guided you?
In that moment you just knew what to do. In some parenting moment you might have chosen to sing songs to get your child to brush their teeth, or spoken with empathy when your child did something wrong. But all that came from a calm state where your motherly intuition was fully available.
That is a loving environment.
Of course, we all get into those “grumpy goggles” sometimes and that is totally normal. The good news about bad moods is that those are moment to moment as well. Once you are aware that you are just in a reactive state of mind, it’s easier to ride the wave and then let it go.
So what about all those parenting techniques that promise cooperation?
Sure you can use them, but for me it never came from my heart. I always felt like I was trying to figure out what’s the “right” way to handle a situation so I won’t end up scarring my child for life. Don’t take my word for this but see how this works in your own life.
• Notice how you react when you are in a lighter mood vs when you are in a bad mood.
• See how your mindset starts to shift once you become aware of that mood.
• Notice how when you are in a good mood, you seem to have answers flow to you on how to deal with your child in the situation.
If you are finding yourself having more meltdowns than loving moments, I invite you to check out the free training on how to end those mama meltdowns and start opening up to more peace in your life.
Try it. See where it takes you.
Much love,
Krystina
