Well that sounds like a lovely thought. To feel more in love and not have to do much about going on elaborate vacations or trying to find a babysitter for the evening. In fact this does not require any spending at all on your part. Instead it asks you to be more intentional and start looking at your marriage differently.
To feel more in love within a marriage, you need one simple thing. Connection.
The good news is that connection is created within the small moments of marriage. It is that good talk after not seeing each other all week.
A spontaneous lunch.
Your hubby giving you a hug while you were having a hard moment.
Maybe he even took care of everyone while you were sick!
It is tempting to think that the grand gestures will strengthen a marriage, but in fact, studies show that this is not the case. Instead it is these small moments that are done everyday over a course of years that builds trust, compassion, intimacy and affection.
Does that sound like great news!
It means that you do not have to have a lot of time and money to have a strong marriage. You can create connecting moments with a small note or a shared joke. It can really be anything, there is no limit.
Right now, if you are feeling like you are lacking in connection in your marriage, all you have to do is start noticing the small ways that your honey is connecting with you. Plus start doing those small things in return.
When you start to notice all the little things that you spouse does to create loving connection, magical things start happening.
How our brains work is that it’s job is to find all the evidence to support you in your beliefs. Wherever your attention is, your brain keeps looking for evidence to prove it is true. If you keep thinking that your husband does not appreciate you, your brain will go and find evidence of how he doesn’t appreciate you to prove that its true.
What if you set the intention to focus on all the ways that your spouse is crazy about you? What will you find? What if for every negative thought you have about your hubby, you intentionally find evidence of a positive thing he is doing?
Try it. It is amazing how quickly our brains get to work.
If you truly believed the thought that your husband is crazy about you and that he is doing his best in all the areas of his life, just like you, how would you feel? Probably a lot of love in return, right?
And when you feel a lot of love, you are going to act in loving ways.
Maybe offer a hug.
Hold his hand.
Listen deeply.
Offer to take out the trash for him.
And when you are doing those things from love, you guessed it. You feel more love and connection.
We think that our spouse has to do something in order for us to experience this feeling of connection. Or we want this feeling of connection to just happen to us. But in reality, all that creates connection in a tiny shift. A tiny consistent habit of seeing the ways that you are already connecting.
If it sounds too easy or too good to be true, I invite you to give it a try. It is really just knowing how your brain works and how to start making it work for you instead of fighting against it.
This is the work I do with my clients in all areas of their marriage. If you feel like you are stuck in your relationship, I invite you to get the FREE course on 5 ways to fix your relationship. The good news is that it only takes one sane person in a relationship to make a change.
What’s next? Watch the Youtube video on the top problems I see in relationships and two simple shifts to make…
