Setting Goals that Stick

“The good life begins when you stop wanting a better one.” Nkosipambii E. Molapis

During the beginning of the year, most people are trying to better themselves in some way. There are people starting to quote studies about how you need goals, how your brain needs a direction and that in order to be successful, you need a clear vision.

While I do think that goals in themselves are not useless, it is helpful to see what type of goals you are setting in order to truly have lasting results.

(If you would rather watch the short video on goals, click here)

A goal in itself is just a thought. It is a thought that you are having to create a desired result which needs a specific set of action steps to get there. There are points in our lives where creating goals is really helpful. If you need to measure a specific result, for example a financial goal, it would make sense to set one. If you are looking at a weight loss goal, which is measurable, you need a certain amount of pounds you are trying to loose.

However, setting goals, in general really have no power. We also set and achieve goals very naturally throughout our day. Take a moment to notice making a cup of coffee. You are desiring a certain result (cup of coffee) that you need to take certain action (boiling water, grinding beans, etc.) in order to achieve.

We are very naturally inclines to be great at completing goals in certain areas of our lives and lack that direction in others. An example would be a mother that is trying to juggle all the things and seems to be doing it effortlessly with meal planning, school schedules, laundry but she is lacking that natural achievement in a healthier lifestyle or weight.

This is where taking a certain goal and looking at a specific framework (goal) might come in handy. But before you do that, I want to take a closer look at the different types of goals we tend to set.

Toxic Goals

Sounds intense. I do not really like using the word “toxic” because there really is no chemical that makes a goal toxic, but lets just go with it. A toxic goal is a goal that you set thinking that you will be feeling better on the other side. The majority of the time, this is what type of goals I see women set.

• I will feel confident when I loose the weight.
• I will be happy when I have a baby.
• I will be happy when I stop yelling.
• I will be secure when I have paid off my debt.

Most of the time we set these type of goals from an frustrated or confused state of mind. If I am looking in the mirror and I do not like the way that I look and start beating myself up for it, then start researching for the newest diet I can try and then start setting a goal for loosing weight.

Thats a misunderstanding, and whenever you set a goal from a confused state of mind, your goal will reflect that confusion.

On the other hand, if you set a goal from a clear state of mind, your common sense will tell you what needs to be done next.

If you are looking in the mirror and you start thinking that you would really like to feel like you have more energy, and really would like to move more because you want to be good to your body that served you so well during these childbearing and rearing years, the next step will look different.

You might choose to start going on regular walks to enjoy the movements, you might schedule time at a gym. You might plan, you might rest, you might wait.

The difference is the state of your mind when you set the goal. Your feeling thats driving you will ultametly give you certain results, so have that feeling be a positive one.

Authentic Desires

I want to touch on your authentic desires here for a second because we all have them. Your authentic desires are the desires that seem to bring you fulfillment. It is this “knowing” some people call it “flow.” I like to ask certain questions to the women I talk to in order to get them into this reflective state where their authentic desires become very clear.

• If you were guaranteed success, what would you be doing?
• If you couldn’t fail, what would you be doing?
• If all the work pain the same, what would you do?
• If you woke up tomorrow and everything was exactly how you wanted, what would that look like?

The point here is not to “wish” for things to be different and be down about how you cannot do these things now, but it is to get them into this reflective state where they truly see what they desire for their lives.

Once you have your authentic desires separated from your toxic goals, I invite you to make a commitment.

Commitment

If you are committed to something, it means that you are sort of booking a flight to that vacation destination. Once you are going on vacation and you booked a flight, you are committed. You start researching hotels and what type of clothes you want to bring. You start to look at how much food will cost and what activities you need to do.

Same thing with your life.

Commitment is what will get you through once that feeling of motivation (and it will) passes away. If you are committed to becoming that next version of yourself, you will nee to choose some thoughts to get you through those moments that you want to give up.

If you are trying to work out and are committed to going outside for a few times a week, when you get out of bed, your brain will want to fight you on that new skill and having a thought that keeps you committed will get you through.

• I am choosing to be committed to this.
• I know this is hard but I will feel so much better once its done.
• I am willing to work on this no matter what.

So should I set a goal?

Like I said earlier, in some situations, it just makes sense to set a goal because you need a clear direction. If you are building a home, you need the framework. BUT I really encourage you to look at your why and really like that why.

If you are setting a goal for weight loss, I want you to zoom out a little and ask why? Maybe it is to live a long a healthy life.

If you are setting a financial goal, why? Maybe it is to feel more abundant in your life.

That why is the true work.

Because in the end a goal has no power over you. If you want to feel healthy, your mindset work will be around that, not the end weight number to get to in order to feel that way.

Whenever you do set goals, I encourage you to look at the state of mind you are setting your goals from. Really dig deep and see if you are setting them from confusion and frustration or a clear state of mind that allows you to step into that next version of yourself with ease.

If you need more help with your own goals, working with a coach is sometimes what is needed to pinpoint that direction in your life. I invite you to a free mini session so we can discuss where you want to go and where you are feeling stuck to get you moving in the right direction.

Click here to schedule session.